Why Your Relationship With Yourself Matters
We can be so obsessed with others
This is because we are wired for connection, it is part of survival. Without our connection to others, we would not thrive, and our brain knows this. But we tend to forget that the longest relationship we will ever have will be the one we have with ourselves. It is essential to our wellbeing, so in good times or bad, we need to learn how to get along.
Having a healthy relationship with yourself is so important
It sets the tone for how you interact and relate with others. When you understand yourself, you are more likely to be able to communicate more effectively, notice where you need boundaries and be more focused on relationships that are fulfilling and supportive.
Are you a ‘good time friend’?
Imagine you have a friend who says to you ‘Please only call me when things are going well in your life because I don’t want to hear about your problems or worries, I only like you when you are doing well’. What would you think of this friend? Not much, I hope.
Without realising, we often take this approach with ourselves. Loving ourselves when things are going well. Avoiding & hating ourselves when things go wrong. We become a ‘good time friend’.
I use the analogy of ‘good time friend’ a lot in my private practice. Being a ‘goodtime friend’ is not being a true friend. You must be able to still value yourself, listen to & support yourself when you need it the most. Being able to lean into your emotions instead of judging or supressing them, gives you access to self-compassion, which has a massive impact on your mental health, building resilience and self-esteem. It helps increase our self-awareness too. Having self-compassion also shows others a solid example of how you would like to be treated.
Forgiveness
We will need to be able to forgive ourselves over and over in our lifetime, but this should not be confused with having no accountability. Being honest with ourselves is a form of self-care, it may even be the hardest type. Self-care is not just soaks in the bath and naps (although I highly recommend you do these too!), it is also recognising when we need to let go of things that are no longer working for us. This is self-awareness.
Each time we do this, we are strengthening our relationship with self. We can recognise what we need and then begin to provide it for ourselves. We are not exempt from the kindness and support we show others. Without self-awareness, the kindness and support you give others may leave you burnt out and resentful.
Therapy
Working with a therapist can be so useful in helping you build a more loving and healthier relationship with yourself. Therapy can be a space where you can begin to become more self-aware. It can be a space where you can begin to identify patterns. You can start to see how your experiences, good and bad, have shaped how you see yourself. It can begin a journey of self-discovery and help strengthen the most important relationship you will ever have, the one with yourself.